Everything & Nothing

Last week I was laid off from the full-time artist position I had held for almost seven years.

No more walking by a screen of Zombie George Washington. Sigh. Such a charmer.

I could say I was completely shocked, and in some ways I was, but in reality I saw it coming. That doesn't mean it didn't hit me like a ton of bricks when I was called to meet with HR and saw that my boss was there as well.

I'm not ashamed to say that I bawled like a baby in the meeting. I was consoled by several facts: it wasn't because of the quality of my work, I was getting a nice severance, and they were open to being references for any new position I applied for.

I've spent the past week riding the extreme highs and lows. On the + side, I am no longer working in a negative environment that was as one person put it "slowly eating away at my soul", and I am now free to pursue some things that I really love.

On the - side of things, I'll miss some of my coworkers. Some of them I will still see around, and it's not like it's the end of the world. The day to day will be different without them. I'll miss hearing Brian cussing a blue streak, Mark running to his phone, and Heather being wonderfully and hilariously snarky.

All things considered, this actually feels-dare I say?- good. I've been on the phone every day with the employment office and finally got everything figured out and settled today which is a huge weight off my shoulders. I've had a lot of people come out of the wood work to check on me, give me advice, be a shoulder to cry on, etc. Reminding me that I'm not as alone as I sometimes feel, and that I have a support group that most people would be envious of.

And one very judgmental cat.

In fact, I had already made plans with my buddies Shannon and Dottie to have a high gothic tea party on Sunday. I didn't want to cancel because it had been SO LONG since I've gotten to see the gorgeous Shannon. In fact, the last time Dottie and I had a tea party was before Shannon moved to Montana! In other words, it was long over due. I needed something positive to look forward too as well, and if you are ever down and out, may I suggest getting your two favorite Aries pals to lift your spirits? Lemme tell ya, it works! Shannon came Saturday evening and we stayed up late catching up and pulling tarot cards and drinking bucket loads of hot tea. Sunday we had our tea party, mostly provided by Dottie. (Scones! Tea cakes! Deliciousness!) I provided the mismatched tea settings and some Orange Crush flavored Twizzlers. Hilarity and awesomeness ensued.

The Spread! *Drools*

I had also finally got a perfume in the mail I'd ordered long before I had any hints of The Impending Doom. I had been coveting it since first smelling it at a Light Year's store in the mall years ago. It sat waiting in my Amazon Wish List when I finally bit the bullet and purchased it. It's still as amazing as it was at first whiff, and appropriately titled "Everything & Nothing". Which has become my theme for this past week. I've been wearing it while formulating my multiple To-Do lists and fielding a thousand phone calls. It's been a reminder to me that, while it may seem like I have nothing, I actually have everything I need.

"Everything & Nothing" by Colin Johnson. Via Colossal. 2014.

Serendipitously, as I was researching artists to feature for a Perspective Daily article, I came across the work of Colin Johnson who created a "hyper collage" entitled: Everything & Nothing. Talk about good timing.

So in the end I could be really bitter about losing my job. I could be bitter about the raises and training I didn't get. I could be bitter about how things were handled. In fact, I could be bitter about a whole mess of things. But what's the good in that?

In the end nothing is exactly everything I ever asked for.

October Country and the Big 3-0

Sunsets & Pick-up Trucks

It's been, oh, 8 months since my birthday- my 30th birthday- and I am just now getting around to writing about it. But seeing how I feel that it's worth writing about, I figured it has also been worth the wait. 

Turning 30 seems to be a big deal. A BIG deal. It's a changing in the tide, a gravitational pull, a plot twist. At least that's how it felt to me. A shift occurred, a chord was struck, and I sat there with family and friends and watched my life go up in flames. Literally.

I'm sounding pretty dramatic, aren't I? But I really did watch my life go up in flames in a sense. My life in words, that is. 

My one request for my birthday celebration was that there be a bonfire. I love bonfires because they bring back so many good memories for me. Mostly revolving around being at my Godparents' farm and playing Foxes & Hounds with the youth group. Or the one time we were invited out to watch the meteor shower. Or from the time a large group of friends descended on Dottie's house and made s'mores. 

I also wanted a fire because there was something else I had to do. 

My Big Ol Trunk full of Journals

I had made mention on Facebook that my goal was to read through all of my journals before my birthday rolled around. From October 1st to October 24th I let myself be captivated by my own becoming. Considering I had kept journals since the age of 9, this was no small task. 

Secretly I had hoped that I would stumble upon some sort of inner wisdom. I wanted to find little bread crumbs to my current life left by my younger self. Instead I found a lot of what I called "emo lamentations". Mostly about boys or school. There wasn't anything truly enlightening except for the fact that WOW factor of being mortified by my own hand. I sat there on my sofa shaking my head and sighing out loud. Conversations between me and the bound volumes that were lying strewn around me in a semi-circle were hilarious. Heartfelt. But mostly hilarious. 

I ripped out the pages. All of them. Entry after entry, and stacked them in two designated piles. One labeled "Keep", and the other labeled "Burn". There wasn't much left over. I kept what was still raw and alive in me. The conflicts that had yet to find resolutions. 

As for the "Burn" pile, I heaved them into a rubbermaid box. The night of the party I lifted the box into the back of my mom's car. I hadn't told anyone yet what my plan had been. My mom and my sister both looked a little perplexed at the sight of it, but said nothing. I suspect that they are used to my oddities and whims by now. (Note to self: Must do better at keeping them on their toes.)

THE cake!

When we arrived at the home of our gracious hosts for the night, Matt & Kim, the place was decked out  and beautiful. The table in the back yard had been set with an orange table cloth and candles. The pyre had been set up and was tremendously HUGE. There was food to be cooked and consumed. A veritable feast. Mom had made her infamous chocolate cake. My sister, Libby, had made her equally infamous chocolate cookies. Kim & Matt, and her family contributed the rest of the food and drinks for the festivities. All in all, it was FANtastic. Nobody puts on a dinner like these fine folks. 

The front porch view

We ate as the sun went down and then by candle light. The weather had been good to us and was unusually warm for October. After the moon was out and the food put away, the air turned cold and signaled that it was time to get the fire started. Matt, the bonfire expert in the house, set about lighting it. It was beautiful, and a great birthday present. 

No puppies were harmed in the making of this celebration.

After the fire was burning steadily I retrieved the container from the car and hauled near to the fire. Mom asked if it was s'more supplies, and I finally told her what it was and what my intentions were. I hadn't wanted to tell anyone before hand because I didn't want anyone to talk me out of it. I had a hard enough time trying not to talk myself out of it. 

Too late to turn back, I opened the box and announced to the group seated around me what I was about to do. There was a bit of silence. A bit of "are you sure?" Followed by my throwing a bit of paper into the flames. "Here go all the times I brooded over boys who weren't worth my time!" I said lightly. In my head I thought, "Yes. I needed to do this. I'm not that person anymore." 

The truth was there. I wasn't that person anymore. In a lot of ways I had grown up. In other ways I felt smaller than I ever had before. But I didn't regret it. I almost felt something like relief wash over me with every handful of words I threw in. I invited anyone that wanted to help to grab their own handful. Matt threw a few in and remarked on the purple paper I had used in one journal. I laughed because I knew exactly which journal that had been and where I was at that point in my life. I was happy to see it go. 

A full moon winked at us.

We watched as some of the pages caught fire and floated up into the air. There was something poetic about it. Words could burn. Words could soar. Words could do both at the same time. It felt mighty. 

Eventually, after much more conversation and laughing, the night came to an end. We thanked our hosts and family for the evening. The whole affair was a great gift. 

Burn, baby, burn!

I went to bed that night with an empty box in the kitchen. New journals, sat unmarred and uncharred on my bookshelf. In the morning there would be a blank slate. A blank page. A new start. 

A beginning. Starting with the words "Dear Diary,".

TEDsday: How to Be a Loser: Rich Franklin at TEDxUChicago 2014

It's not often that you find a teacher turned MMA fighter. Even more rare, is when that fighter stands up and talks about his defeat and what he learned from it. Rich Franklin gives a powerful talk about How to be a Loser, and the importance of losing in a world obsessed with winning.

Friday Free For All

Richard Armitage is starring as John Proctor in a new version of "The Crucible", don't think that doesn't make me stupidly excited! (Click the pic above to go to their Facebook page for more info.)


A lot of my thoughts this week, as were a lot of people's, were on the shootings recently and the fallout that it has created. Particularly the #YesAllWomen tweets that have blown up the internet. Here are some of those tweets that everyone needs to read.

In the same vein, this is what real activist men have to say on the subject

"Mad Jack" is my second favorite Churchill. See why here.

If you think Christopher Lee is awesome, which I think it's safe to say is all of us, then you'll be delighted to know he's released a metal album.

Graduations are almost over for the most part, but Huffington post put together some of the best cap decorations from my alma mater Meredith College.

A good article on what the person you deserve is like.

Fashion is not just for the flat of chest! Here's one fashionista's take on being a D cup in an A cup world.

A great article on creativity and insight.

And to end this week on a couple of high notes- here's some of the best cat pictures on the internet

....and cat gifs displaying the whole spectrum of taste descriptions.

TiLT: Things i Love Thursday!

Here's my list of things that made me happy this week:

• Classes started back up! Yay! I missed my teacher and classmates. <3
• Dinners out with friends.
• Going to go see Maleficent this weekend. (I hope it's as awesome as it looks. Jolie don't fail me now!)
• Otters. Always got love for my spirit animals/woo-woo wonder critters!
• The fact that June is nearly here and the weather still remains bearable. 
• Allergy season has officially left and I can breathe (sort of!) again.
• Beating that pesky level of Candy Crush and/or Bubble Witch
• Short work weeks.
• Making up a book list to read in August when classes are officially (!) over.
• Rare moments when my cat, Mowgli, feels like cuddling. 
• Documenting good hair days.
• Looking forward to a relaxing weekend with no obligations! (Those are the best. Aren't they?)

That's about it for me, what's on your list?

How (Not) to Get Attention

So. You want to get some attention for that thing you did. Maybe you wrote the next New York Time's Bestseller. Maybe you finally got your degree. Maybe you put the lid down without being told to. Whatever the case, you feel like sharing your accomplishment!

But how?

Step 1: Approach your unsuspecting victim.

Step 2: Start with a pleasantry. Compliment them in some way.

Step 3: Show off/demonstrate/or Humble Brag your accomplishments!

Step 4: Wait for the oncoming praise from your amazed audience!

Step 5: Should they not respond appropriately don't worry...

Step 6: You can always relax and try again tomorrow knowing you did your best.

TEDsday- You are the art: Laura Hollick at TEDxHamilton

While I am not as familiar with Laura Hollick's work as I would like to be, I found her TED talk to be inspiring and informative. We are coming into a new world that is a blank canvas, and while that is scary it is also exhilarating. I loved her outlook on it, and I think you will too.

Friday Free For All

My friend, Jamie Albert, writes about how his van broke down during his epic cross country trip, and about the man that restored his faith in people.


There's going to be a one-of-a-kind meteor shower late tonight and early tomorrow morning. Anyone else going to stay up and watch it?

Neil Gaiman visited Syria. See what he has to say about his visit in the article "So Many Ways to Die in Syria".

I've been tempted to teach Mowgli to walk on a leash. Here's some tips for training your own cat!

Did you know the U.S. is still paying for the Civil War? This was an interesting read on what happens long after the war is over.

Anne Lamott is good as gold as always.

TiLT: Things I Love Thursday

 

On my love list for the week!

• Swapping BPAL (Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab) samples with a coworker friend.
• Going to see X-Men this weekend with friends. 
• Reading the Wicked Garden series by Lenora Henson and having to wait patiently for the next book.
• One of a kind meteor showers
• Awkward bathroom conversations with coworkers
• A three day weekend! Woohoo!
• Pool season- can't wait to go splashing around!
• Electric blankets
• Dunking chicken nuggets into a chocolate Wendy's frosty.
• Dr. Pepper and Hershey's chocolate. (I am always grateful for junk food!)
• Long phone calls with long distance buddies
• My hilarious, supportive, and wonderful parents. 
• Getting to go back to school next week! I can't wait!
• Getting a scholarship for my summer session at school
• And of course...getting to sleep in! Ahh, bliss!

That about wraps it up for me. What's on your list?

TEDsday

I thought I might start sharing some of my favorite TEDx talks in this space. For those who don't know, TED stands for "Technology, Entertainment, Design". The purpose of the talks is to promote ideas worth sharing, and the subjects vary wildly.

The one I want to share today is presented by Jolie Guillebeau, called "Building and Artist's Life". In her talk, Jolie explains how she got to be an artist by making small, daily steps. I know in my own life it has been hard to shut out the inner critic and just do the work. I enjoyed hearing what Jolie had to say, and hope you will as well.

Friday Free For All

Molly Crabapple writes about Photoshop, Feminism, and Truth over at Vice.

85 Jack Kerouac quotes that will make you want to pack your bags and go.

Does "time" even exist?

As a massage therapy student, this article really moved me.

If you're into photography, this article on prime lenses and focal lengths is so helpful!

True Story: I had Weight Loss Surgery is an honest glimpse of what it's like to go through weight loss surgery and what to expect.

Love fudge rounds, but hate all the nasty....junk...that's in them? How about making your own with this recipe?

What are terrorists most frightened of? The answer might surprise you.

TiLT: Things i Love Thursday

 Some big and small things I'm grateful for this week:

• Graduation cap decoration inspiration
• Raspberry sweet tea
• Impending tea parties by the pond
• Facebooking dinner time conversations with my parents
• My teacher and classmates
• Front porch sitting
• Green smoothies in my Wonder Woman tumbler
• Red lipstick
• Trying out some Warby Parker glasses at home
• And of course- Graduation this past Saturday! What, what!  

What's on your Love List this week?

Exam Day: A Play in Three Gifs

Yesterday was exam day, so I wrote a play. Enjoy!

Act I: The Morning After the All-Night Cram Session

Act II: During the test when you've forgotten half the things you thought you knew

Act III: Exam is over and it's time for some celebration!

Blog Tour

I was invited to participate in the Blog Tour by the bright and shining light that is Jackie, whom I have had the joy of knowing for many years after having met at Meredith College. I hope to be half as awesome as her one day. Or at least be able to do a cartwheel. (Seriously, I wanna do a cartwheel. It's what all the cool kids are doing these days, isn't it?)

On with the show!

1. What am I working on? 

What am I not working on? That might be easier to answer. I'm about to enter my third and final semester of my massage therapy program. I'm ankle deep in writing a murder mystery, and working full time as a bonafide production artist. I live off of chocolate, coffee, and tears at this point.

2. How does my work differ from others of its genre?

I think the fact that I come equipped with a certain sort of madness helps set me apart. That, and I don't seem to fit snuggly into any genre anyway, so I stopped trying. I've written children's picture books, murder mysteries, magical realism, poetry, and memoirs. I'll write anything once!

3. Why do I write/create what I do? 

Because if I didn't there would be a lot more mayhem. I can't not be creative. I don't have it in me.

4. How does your writing/creating process work?

There's a lot of madness to my method. I usually get up, come to work, go to class, chill out to music, and then write like a mad scientist until I've met my daily word count. Some days are more productive than others, of course. I don't always have time to write as much as I'd like due to homework or the day job that keeps me fed and pays the bills. But I've enjoyed my "slow and steady" pace. Like a tortoise stampeding through peanut butter.

Many thanks to Jackie for including me in the Blog Tour! It's been fun, y'all.

Let's Pretend

"Let it Bloom" by Jenna Austin

As much as I love reading blogs, connecting to bloggers, being inspired by all the wonderful ladies and gents of the internet- I kind of suck at it. "It" being writing and promoting my own blog. 

Why is that? That's just silly.

So I'm going to pretend that I've been on a joy ride out to Pluto and back. That's my excuse for not updating and trumpeting my own whimsical badassery. Sound good? You all still love me, don't you?

Yes you do. YES YOU DO. You just can't quit me. Don't deny your feelings. 

"Feet on the Dash" from the Journey Thru series by Jenna Austin

(P.S. I love you, too.)